Procrastination

Definition: Procrastination occurs when people are aware that they are wasting time when there is some other pressing thing to be done.

For me, this is one of major weaknesses. I am a busy 3rd year medical student, with upcoming exams, assignments, projects and commitments (work, family and friends). I am finding myself constantly short on time. There is so many things that I need to do with so little time but as I sit down resolutely in front of my computer telling myself that today I will get things done. But… that usually never happens.

I just waste my time doing random things like watching anime, reading newspaper (The Economist!) and watching movies. The effect of this procrastination on me is profound. I fear procrastination will become an enduring and self-reinforcing habit. Every time I procrastinate, I feel the slip of loss of self-control and self-esteem. Somewhere in the back of my mind my greatest fear is that this procrastination is like a black hole that would spiral and pull myself downwards into the abysses.

However what helps is that I am naturally quite an optimistic person. Sometimes yeah, I do feel depressed, angry and frustrated with myself for wasting valuable time when I could do other things. But in every instance I do not think I have ever lost hope in the power of tomorrow. That hope is the one thing that keeps me going. It is based in a self-belief that I can always achieve anything that I have set out to do. Even in my darkest moments, where I start exhibiting self-destructive tendencies I eventually find redemption. That fundamental sense of belief is the thing that keeps me going. But I want to break this cycle; I want to take control again and regain my self-confidence and to achieve my goals.

This blog chronicles and records my attempts to regain control again. Because I have found that if I write and express things, wild and whirling thoughts turn into lucidity and clarity. Also just by the shear act of self-expression, I feel a sense of peace – the writing is therapeutic in itself. I also hope to use my blog to inspire and connect with other people in the same circumstance.